As I look back to the year that’s about to end, I can’t help but be THANKFUL and HAPPY on the turn of events.  Sure, there have been moments when I thought I will never be happy again.  Moments when I stumbled and fell…and didn’t have the courage to get up and move on.  Moments when I’ve been badly hurt… and thought I won’t be able to endure the pain.  Moments when I felt so alone and thought had no one to turn to.  A moment when all my hopes, plans, and dreams were shattered into pieces.  A moment when my efforts and years of waiting have been wasted.  I could probably go on ranting a whole darn list of bad memories.

But none of that will top all the blessings I received from the Lord up above.  I started the year 2008 with a broken heart.  However, I didn’t think that it will go on throughout the year.  I remained HOPEFUL and POSITIVE that this year will still turn out to be a good one.  God didn’t fail me.  He made this year a GREAT one for me and my family.  If I am to sum up this year in one line, it would probably be:  My best year in FOUR years.

I lost one person when 2008 started.  But God gave me the strength to go on & continue with my life.  I asked for courage & discernment to be able to move on.  He gave me that..and so much more.  He blessed me with so much.  I believed that I can still see the rainbow after the storm.  He gave me friends and the right people to spend my time with.  He gave me supportive parents whose got more than unconditional love for us, their children.  I’ve got a job that I really, really love doing.  He opened my eyes to the beautiful things around me.  He gave me opportunities to visit different places, meet different people & see different culture.  He made me realize how strong I am to be able to surpass that hellish sadness. 

And though 2008 has been a year when most of my friends, especially the close ones — and family — not to mention my mother and sister — left for abroad.  I’ve realized people come & go (literally & figuratively), that is why we have to make the most of our time with them.  You’ll never know when you’ll have the chance to be with them again. 

Better and happy memories of 2008 flash back into my mind as I look back.  They topped the bad ones.  Now I can probably go on raving about them.  I remain hopeful that the year to come will still be a great one for me and my family, just like 2008, if not a GREATER one. 

Let’s wrap up 2008 with a SMILE on our face.  And welcome 2009 with a POSITIVE mind and HOPEFUL heart.  Be HAPPY this NEW YEAR!! Stay safe!! God bless us all!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!  Cheers to 2009!! <:-P

To everyone who spent 2008 with me and made it a memorable one: THANK YOU!!

For the second night this week, I’m staying home..again!!  When I should be out celebrating on the last Saturday of 2008.  Apparently, not!!  I am home.  I am really, really bored.  I cancelled a trip to Lipa, Batangas.  I’m not really sure if that decision was right or not. 

Last night, I drank two bottles of SML..alone!!  And tonight, I’m drinking Vodka Ice and Jose Cuervo..by myself again.  How pathetic?!

I can’t think of anything to do. 

My neighbor friends are no longer here.  I want to avoid the malls right now coz everyone is still out there.  Malls are still crowded and can really get crazy.  I think I’ve seen most, if not all, of the movies here at home.  Parties are over..as of now.  I can’t bring myself to continue reading New Moon coz I find it boring nowadays.  I’m still on the part where Edward is nowhere to be found.  Darn it!!

Oh well!!  I guess I got no choice but to face another week of boredom till work starts again.  I’ll have to find a way to enjoy my days here at home.  Once work starts, I know I’ll look forward to holidays again.  For now, I’ll enjoy my bum days..my 10 hour sleep..my drinking session alone every night..my “not in a rush” status..my one hour bath. 

Written on Christmas Day ‘08 3:48 am using a pen and paper..

For days now, I’ve been dreading to reach the third chapter of New Moon.  For some reason, I would often find an excuse, like stop reading and do something else, to delay reading especially that part where Edward left Bella in the woods.  Though I’ve already heard from a lot of people that Edward actually left Bella, and hadn’t come back till the book was almost over.  I should’ve prepared myself on what was about to happen in the story.  But, I didn’t.

I didn’t expect though, that I’d reach that part on a Christmas Day.  CRAP!!  Perfect timing!!  I was still trying to find the courage before I can actually go over those pages, and then I didn’t realize I was there already.  I felt a familiar pain as I read and imagined that scene in the forest.  Some lines were even familiar, too.  Though I didn’t really hear the word “goodbye”.  Neither one of us EVER said that word.  But I’ve never been good in LETTING GO and GOODBYES.  Maybe that’s why I got so affected by the chapter of the book, that it made me blog again. 

So what’s the REASON for my BREAKDOWN?? 

I remembered that fateful night almost a year now.  The night when he asked for time.  The night when I realized we needed it badly.  The night he left (though not literally) and never came back.  The night when my life ended.  The night when I started to be like a “WALKING ZOMBIE”.  The night I refused to beg for him to stay because I knew it would be USELESS.  On the contrary, it was also the night when I realized I became someone else over the forty two months that we’ve been together. 

I can still remember how it felt.  My knees were trembling.  My stomach felt so sick, though I hadn’t eaten anything yet.  My eyes were overflowing with tears.  My body felt so weak and I felt like fainting.  I couldn’t breathe as I reached for my mom’s arms.  I had no strength and urge to do anything for a month.  My mind searched for answers.  Answers to my questions I never had the chance to ask.  Answers which until now, I NEVER got.

I saw it coming.  I knew we were nearing our END.  But was too BLINDED to believe in my instincts.  I thought we can get over it.  I thought we just needed TIME to be together (physically) and then we’ll remember why and how we fell in love.  I didn’t realize that his no-plans-for-the-future-or-for-the-next-few-months was a sure-sign-of-letting-go.

We never got over it.  He made a decision that was too painful for me.  For months, I felt so EMPTY.

It doesn’t matter now.  I’m NO longer hurting.  That’s not what I’m trying to believe in.  But that is what I really am feeling.  Good thing I was able to stand up and face the world again.  I am BETTER now.  I don’t feel like a “walking zombie” ANYMORE.  I never had the answers, but it was all worth it.  I found some of the answers the moment I STOPPED asking.  It saved myself of the pain.  Time heals all wounds.  It took me some TIME to start all over again.  I’m still a work in progress.  I still need some more, though.  As of now..spare ME the MELODRAMA.  But, come to think of it..I’ve never blogged anything about him.  Well..I guess this is the first of the series of my blog about him. 

What’s with MEN and breaking their PROMISES??  What ever happened to “I will never leave you” and “I will always love you”.  WHATEVER?!

I’ll do my best to finish New Moon without breaking down again.  Wish me luck!!

Every Thursday, whenever Din and I meet, we don’t have a destination in mind. A place to hang out just pops out our minds instantly. This time, we headed to Ortigas Center. Since we both experienced working in this strip of call center offices, we felt like being “home” once again.

I remember some five years ago when I used to spend most of my time here..not only to work but to hang out, chill, drink, smoke (no more!), chat, and laugh with friends. I also remembered my once dream of owning my own condo unit and to live around this area. Only shows how I used to love Ortigas..right?!

How do you start a new one when you haven’t even finished the last one??

How do you stop the tears when you’re still hurting??

How do you mend your broken heart when the scar is so deep??

How do you start being happy again when it shows in your eyes how sad you are??

How do you go back to a past too well remembered??

How do you live a present when you’ve been stuck to a situation which you can never bring back??

How do you say you’re complete again when you’ve lost a big part of yourself??

How do you pull yourself up from a quicksand and any time you’ll end up sinking??

How do you move on when you’re still waiting??

How do you stop the tears from falling and just start being happy again??

How??

Can anyone please tell me??

~Ginger ALE  06.11.08

Kingking is staying for two weeks, I think.  Ate Mina is flying to SG next weekend, and no one’s gonna look after her.  Expect more dog fights between Kingking and Rex.  Harharhar!! 

~Ginger ALE  06.09.08

I can still say..all is well, that ends well.

I am looking forward to a new and better week.  I know unexpected and unavoidable circumstances are still bound to happen.  But the important thing is, how I face, handle, and surpass them…still with a smile. 

~Ginger ALE  06.07.08